May 14, 2007

So, it is after Mother's Day and I've managed to have a realization. Yeah, I know, everyone says that and then goes back to whatever they were doing before. But the truth of my matter is that I have to change. I will be assertive. I will go after what I want, long for and dream for. I will realize my fullest potential possible because that's what I'm going to accomplish. And I will let go and simply be. It's all about dymanism.
I think more of myself now.

Just for the record, I have changed the goal to writing here once a week. Certainly more.

May 5, 2007

Is it so impossible that I might make a mistake?! That I might screw up so bad as to warrant being called out on it? Why does this keep happening to me and why must I put up with this bullshit?! Huh? Can you answer me that? Or is it easier to just let me sit here and read more dumb books about my own stupidity? Why must I be the one to fall over and over again? Huh? HUH?!
What the hell am I saying?! No one cares about this shit! My shit! Why should they?! It's not like it warrants as interesting news- a story. Just the stupid meandering ways of a young woman on the run from her own insanity. Or is that my sanity? Who knows- I don't. I just want to be alright and to have all the wonderful, beautiful objects, loves, experiences and oneness I crave for.

Why does that seem so wrong?

May 3, 2007

Alright, it's time to get personal: I am on anti- depressants. There. I said it. I'm on anti- depressants (at least they're not anti- psychotics... yet). Doesn't stop it from being embarrassing and scary. You know, there's a 2% chance that this medicine will just aggravate the problem? Possibly making me suicidal? I can even develop tardive dyskinsia- which are uncontrollable body tremors? So fucked! And I'm not supposed to worry. Nope. I won't worry. I'm too scared and depressed to be worried.

But I have hope. My therapist (whom I actually like) suggested that I write down three achievements a day. Just to get out of this Godawful mind frame I'm in now.
So here goes...

1. I finished the movie Pollock (obviously, about Jackson Pollock) in art class.

2. Able to finally bar power chords (on a guitar) decently.

3. Arranged to talk with my uncle to discuss living with him, my aunt and my two cousins.

Not sure that made me feel better yet. I guess I want more time to decide if this works for me.
By the way, I'm going to start writing here at least three times a week...

And hold me to that.

April 13, 2007- Day of the Goddess

For all in the know (and there are very few in the know), today as Friday the Thirteenth- is a day in tribute to the Goddess. Thirteen being the number of moons in a year and Friday being the day to honor the female aspect/planet Venus, this day is in memorial of Her.

Love your Venus!

March 31, 2007

Self-Portrait
Mexican sweet candy skulls-
While wrapped in the reddest of blankets-
Warm and sweet-
The air-
On the night of the Living Dead.

Walk beside the spirit doll-
Obsessive, is her man.

Obsessive to her man-
Bright coloured-
More than her man.

She had no other choice.

February 26, 2007

The coldness of bones
Hard bones-
See- through bones.
Bones-
The sight of which
Frightens you...
but then you are addicted.

Maybe I'm a closet anorexic (odd, as I eat a lot) but I'll say this directly... I like the flesh of others... but I only like my bones.

February 24, 2007

Go where you want, just know where you're going.

The best advice about how to live your life that I've ever gotten (and all from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland).
This is actually kind of like a form of divination (fortune- telling). Though, from my research, this kind of divination, it seems to consist of someone closing their eyes and simply picking a page and then a passage from a book. Mine is about interpreting weird messages, A.K.A.- being a little smart- ass!

By the way, I've found out what's the name for, when a person in the crowd delivers you a message from the gods (an ancient Greek custom): a cledon.
Very cool.