The Goddess (Part two of two)

Let me hold on to you

Your hands

And eyes

Perfect in their pain

The coldness of them all

I keep crying

Wishing I could never feel

This heart or heat

Give me the hands made of bone!

Meant to crush and lie

Beat down the Earth

Give me those eyes!

Perfect in their soulessness

Intense and depth

I want all others to-

Sink

Into them

Blacked out Waters

Let them not come here

Let me be what they fear

Let me be my monster

Perfect in my lack of humanity

Can you give me that?

The Human (Part one of two)

If frosted skin

Melted beneath

A violent sun

More loud than bright

Could the waters ever nourish this desert?

The barrenness of this land

A heart unused

And left in sickled moonlight

Has bloomed poisonous flowers

Perhaps capable

Perhaps not

Wrapped in black

This goddess stands

Away from the hedonist's paradise

From her body

She breeds

Black birds

Raging fires

Creatures to terrify small psyches

Raze across the land-

This land

And bear down on my shoulders

For I fear not

This coldness

Nor numbness

The rake of the heat

Of the other place

Keeps calling-

Though it continues to damage and scar

Then punish me for the injury

Must it be a sickle?

Cannot a fertile crescent-

Ride in sky?

Tell me and show me

I am tired and worn

Twisting and grappling

Inside...

Inside...

And over.

If I am tainted, it was by choice

I didn't fall

I dove head first

Out of heaven

And embraced the magnitude

Of the world around me

In all its pain and glory

The ugly, demented, diseased

These are me

As much the fallen and the demon

As I am an angel and good fellow

The beauty, wonder

And healing...

These are all me!

If I were to tell the truth

I'm still hiding
Still behind here
With the mask on my face
A smile, or rather
An emotionless paste
Upon this face

I'm still numb here
Still feeding myself ice
Chilling these weak veins
And letting this heart remain cold

For any flame to touch-
Even the smallest space-
Of all this-
Burns-
Burns, burns, burns-
And in haste
I assume the worst

The feelings of pleasure-
Are pain
The feelings of love-
Are pain
The feelings of having that love returned-
Are the worst kinds of pain!

I have let:
Ice,
Blood,
Scars,
Wounds,
Hatred,
Envy,
Anger, and
Hunger-
Become the only things real to me

This is all I know.

And I do not see the evil within this monster anymore
This hateful, ugly creature
Is more beautiful to me, than I could ever say

For it is me
As much as it is my nightmare
And it needs to be embraced

It can save itself
It can run and fight
But it can't be left alone

For we...

We are meant to be cherised.

Within and Without

The rain of essence
Of silver weightlessness
The pale fragile
Doll
The tiny maiden
Oh Moth Girl

Has she exited my body?
Or does her reign
Forever impact my history?

Tissue paper wings
And a crown of her fellows
Above a saddened brow
And luminous eyes
Filled with all the shed tears

Her powerlessness
Comes not from true weakness
But from disbelief

Why would a pale creature have power?

As beautiful
As she is self-destructive
To herself
And to I

But do I let her go?
Forget her
And never remember the maids we once were?

Now vibrant
In blackness
Or in colours
I cannot help but remember
Those days of being without
Staring in the mirror
Without
Just translucence
Colourlessness

And there is a certain
Sadness
In losing yourself
Even the broken past
Its bloody future

For what lies before
This new ground
Is far more bright
But like lightning

And the Moth Girl would cower
But the rest of me
Is ready

With a smile on my face...

Dark and Embrace

Incomprehensible
In perfect
Blackness

A pair of
Wings
Dusky eyes
And the light radiates from them
Like a broadsword in the back

Could be horrifying
A monster
A demon
Of my night

But always
The comfort
The haven
And the
Embrace

In It's difference
Perfection
In It's silence
Understanding
And in It's once unrecognized facade
Safe vunerability

Home

Long ago and far away
I was once
Whispery, pale and fragile
A delicate white moth
Easily crushed underfoot
Or more likely
In the palm of an 'owner's' hand

And each night
I was resurrected
I never rested
For I had to rebuild
Relive
For the dawn

Outside
I could not filter out pollution
Toxins and such
Of a thousand voices
That said the same:
"Worthless! Useless! Vile!"

And I returned each night
Into my cacoon
Neither safe nor comforting
But the only place I could find

And each night
Lying awake
I saw a
Shadow
That I was
Convinced was
Evil
Bad...
Wrong

This was repeated on me
Over and over

I could see
The blood leaking from It's eyes
The stains upon the hands
The Darkness surrounding
It

I wanted to be
Unsoiled
Untouched
Since my mind could not find
Peace
Let my body and Spirit be free!

But It came
It came...
And it was magnificent!

Black leather wings
And bottonless eyes
That were
Truth
Destiny
Care

I've awoken from the slumber
The moth need not land here
And the monsters...
The voices...
Just pale memories

It
The Shadow
My black sentinal

I need not feel your embrace
For we are one
Me and You
Merged in
Blood
Tears
And battle Scars...

Me and You
Are what count as
Truth

Lightness is not an ever present state of purity
Darkness is not defilement

Darkness...
Is being lost
Is letting yourself be lost
Is letting them lead you

Lightness...
Is what it is,
Present
Ephemral
Future
And Past

But when the merge...
Oh!
Then we have won!

Sleep...

Oh Memory, Illusions and
Dreams
Play...
Dance about my mind
And stay awhile
Are not I
Supposed to enjoy such a time?

Instead it holds a heavy weight
To my chest
Over and over
Again

Twisted and grappling
This mind awakens
In repeated process
Of tiny dreams
And little
Deaths

Of a sickness
Tormentedness...
And tiredness

But, all right
It feels just
And fine
And plain
And usual

Though I confess

It could well
Kill me.

Forced

I've watched myself
Collapsed upon the floor
Covered in hatred
Blood, stale sweat
And the last kiss from a broken man

Wrapped in a white dress
Not a promise of marriage
But a declaration of purity
Though why I've never felt so
I'll never know

I want to sink into the sand
And lose myself in hours
Staring into the sky
And feel that wind in my hair
Of a time when any of it mattered

I've felt the nails in my back
Scrapped across wood
And promised
To unholy god
Sick, perverted dog!

I've seen myself a bride
To your god
A maiden
For your pride

And I end it here

A black haloed wretch
And your escaped destiny
I am not so easy to contain

No longer tired
Nor ready to be used

I have lived too long
Too hard
Tired and fast

So drop the act
Throw down the veil

I will not promise myself
In blindness

For I am ready
To fly away

Visual Rape

I imagine
A cell- no-
A cage

Where my pale bones have been thrown
And where I feel
A million eyes, a thousand sneers
Painted upon
The faces of countless males
All in perverted glee

They are watching me
They are loving this
They want me to shout
To taste the panic in my blood
And the bile in my throat
And the hateful words on my tongue

One enters
For he feels
He can
Enter

But there is a blade here
In my hand
Made of ice
And the Justice
That burns in my eyes

And as he thrusts-
So do I
Into that paunchy belly
The sick old dog!
Into his twisted body
I've entered
And he can't enter mine

I've killed him.
And the rest flee.
So the cage is open
And I run

Outside
A thunder storm
Rain pouring down
On me
And I let it wash away the hatred

I am free...

Reach out and grasp that hand offered to you

You cannot offer me heaven's embrace
But maybe I don't want salvation

Sigil

I will swallow your Fire
You can eat my Ice

The Heart and the Thorns

I am a girl of the rose
Some pale perfect
Some dripping in rich blood colour
Some of spiritual rare essence

It is a fragrance and a signature
That I wear with pride

To be lush
And rich
Delicate and decadant
Gentle and cruel
In its beauty

These never ending contrasts
Are the mystery
The Power
I carry in my veins

Rest me in your hands
At a lover's waist
Upon a loved one's grave
I am a sign of all the fire that burns in you

Dripping in nectar
I will drunken and stupify
All those who lick upon me
And I will enjoy and adore
Those foolish smiles on their faces

Sweet and tender
I am handled
Cruel and unloving
I am abused
And I am used to both touches

But nothing scars upon my perfection
Nothing destroys all that is esoteric

The petals will fall
The perfume will dry
The plant will fade and die
But I...

I can never die
For I am beyond my physical constraints

I am that memory
That passion
Those tears
That sorrow
The pain
The pleasure

And the Love

And this is where my life is
Everlasting