Monday, May 31, 2010

A Reminder Inside

If Love touched your heart
Would you run?
That deceptive imp
That cruel faced lier
How little you are actually there

I've seen the derangement
The torture
The ridicule, the breaking
And the complete destruction.

I've witnessed the coldness
The frost tipped points
Of a never burning

So why try?
Why bother with the charade?
Is there ever a difference?

Perhaps because
Burns so much worse
And hardens all

But we have to try

But we must
Keep our wings
To ourselves.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Soul, Memories and Glass

My god, my god!
My dark and deadly

Who burns inside this heart
Composed of layers
Of broken glass
And shattered illusions
And piles of disappointment
And the quiet cries and whimpers
Of a little girl

And do these make me weak?
A little pathetic being?
Has it made me give up
The goddess
In me?

They both wear crowns
The Black Prince
The Red Queen

They contain all that is ever good
Or ever bad
About being an androgyne

But he is a prince
And she a queen
His persona does not encompass all
And her shadow does not emerge so often

But they are me
And they never let me be

For they are not meant to
That would make life too simple
Too sweet

And the sugar would burn my tongue
In a sickening way

I need the hollow
And the brutal
The beauty
In the disease

So curse me in
And reward me in

For I am grateful for it all

This is the life I chose
Not a settle
Not a dream
A reality
Made of dreams
And screened

But I refuse to think
I have been unfair

To cry
To shout
To curse the air

This is me
In perfection and hate
In flaws and love

And I
Every moment of it!

Gods, Idols and Belief in One's Self

Should I cast
A thousand demons on to the Earth
A thousand angels into the sky

Would that define me?
And signal me-
Would I become marked and scarred?

Could I ever release
The wonderous whims
Fragments of holy vision
From my mind?
Or, would I continue to be lost?

I call Hell
High water
Tides of blood
And it all means nothing

I still pray upon cold feet
Solid hands grasped around dripping candle wax

I've envisioned myself
A perfect entity
A child of God
A heavenly being
A demonic mistake

Plain, ordinary...

I exist beyond all these things

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Colour of my Horse

Other little girls, picture a prince on a white horse
As a child
I always imagined
On a black horse.

Samael, Lilith and whatever name You call It

To be the fallen
The felled
The one's destroyed
There must of been the one's who won

Was it ever a true battle?
A fair fight?
Was there ever a chance I could have won?
Or was it all a tease?
Was I always destined to lose?
Was this meant to be?

Tell me, sky's above
Were you always planning on casting me out?
Was my pride too much for you?
Could I not be the Morning Star?
Was I truly such an abberation?

Now my skin is scarred
By the people
By my commrades
My brothers in arms
My family

Could not one such as me be left alone?

You did this to me!
Left me here with nothing
Only a belly full of lead
My insides forever in ill
My outsides forever burning
And I'm not sure this is the prison of my own creation.

Seems to me, if you always knew
Why bother with me?
Did you let destiny dictate
Your treatment of me?
Did I let destiny do the same?

Perhaps we were both fooled
Both led astray
And that I do regret

The sins of the father
The reflection of the son
And also a daughter

I am beyond destiny.

Friday, May 14, 2010


Creativity could be like a storm- huge and thunderous, ready to pound into a fragile body. Mine is this tinkling bell, a little voice, this tiny little sweet imp that compels me to pick up a pen, one of my books, and insists upon being recored on the page. It likes tangibility, it likes existence. It wants a safe place to land, because even the most beautiful and free of thoughts need to rest for a moment.

Frantic Prayer

God give me a night
A soul of black
A heart of white
Let not the sadness permeate my veins
The greatest love, the greatest pains

The total loss
The perfect gains
It is all a drain
And my heart weakens
As they rise
But I will never simply die

It is tired
It is bored
The Darkness
The Wholeness
Wanting more

I will never be complete
Asking is plain defeat
This is beyond what life can give
This is not a promise, but a whim

I ask great Gods for your blessings
A simple smile
A soul's pressings

As Night sits in my frames
And Fire burns beyond wane

This is the woman in me
The man, the child
The sweet eternity

For I am something more
Something less
And something born

To feel your eyes watching me
Creates havoc that is free
Is a heaven beneath

And I will watch you as you sleep
Though you whisper and you creep
I will watch you in your sleep
Come with me, my soul does weep.